Overcoming Fear & Moving Forward

So I have one scene left to flesh out before printing out the new version of Guarded and buffing out the hard edges, but I am dragging my feet. Seriously I can’t tell if it’s the fact that NaNo starts in a few days or the undercurrent of fear for what comes next. Mind you, I WANT to query, I WANT to publish, I WANT to share this thing I love so much with the entire world.

But the impending, soul-crushing rejections.

I know that fear is the reason why I’m struggling with crossing the finish line of this draft. Because if I don’t finish, then it can’t be rejected.

This post may be more pity-party than I intended it because I recognize that I’ve already come quite far in terms of creating something that people may [hopefully] want to read. But that god-awful fear. I don’t consciously fear much, so when those pesky subconscious ones rise up, they can be quite the little devils.

I imagine fear as a Gremlin, and my MS is poor Gismo.

I imagine fear as a Gremlin, and my MS is poor Gismo.

Like Gismo, I know my MS will kick fear is its arse, but right now, in this moment, I’m looking at my notes, then at my computer screen, then at my notes, then I walk away.

So in an attempt to get my mojo back, I went to the YouTube’s. Ya’know, like ya do. I spend more time on YouTube than I should for entertainment anyway, but I do a lot of research on there as well (especially in terms of what dislocating an elbow looks like – spoiler alert: it’s vomit-worthy).

Anyhoo, last year, Under Armour launched its “Will What I Want” campaign, which IMO was one of the most positive and inspiring campaigns created by an athletic clothing’s company. But they did this brilliant thing by launching the campaign with Misty Copeland as its first spokeswoman. A ballerina. An artist. A black woman who defied the standards of her industry to become the first black female Principal Dancer with the American Ballet Theatre.

Here’s the ad.

She’s an inspiration to people across the world, and even though I have no way of properly empathizing with her struggles, her work ethic and determination motivate me to keep chasing my own dreams.

So here’s me mowing over my fears and willing what I want.

Featured image via Hard Body News via Under Armour.

Being a Nerd & Accepting My Weirdness

“Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.” – John Green, Harry Potter Nerds Win at Life, Vlogbrothers 2009

When I sat down to write this blog post, I immediately started in on an “On Writing” subject, which sent me into a frenzy of “Holy Crap, I don’t know how to write about myself…” which lead to “I’m not interesting…” and of course “THE MANUSCRIPT… Nope, not quite ready.”

Anyhoo, and I’ve known this for quite a while, I have a one-track mind and it usually always leads to writing. All aspects of it. From publishing news and the latest YA releases to supporting other writers on social media and plotting my next novel. It’s a total obsession, which hasn’t exactly won me a lot of friends. Half the words that come out of my mouth are either in regards to my works-in-progress or the writing process.

And don’t even get me started on my urge to reference a book like it’s a popular TV show. The phrase “I feel like Brimstone conjuring kymera” may have come out of my mouth at one point when describing my book-plotting process. If you’ve read the Daughter of Smoke & Bone Trilogy by Laini Taylor, you’ll get the reference. If not, go read it!

Point is I’m a crazy person, utterly engulfed in my passion for writing/storytelling. And I’ve started to realize that it’s not something that I should or feel like I should apologize for. I’ve attempted to be “normal,” but what’s the fun in being normal when I can have unadulterated passion and excitement for enjoying/creating fiction?

On a side note, it’s plausible that most of these personal musings posts may include quotes or tweets from authors/people who inspire me. If you have a quote or inspirational message, please put it in the comments below! I’d love to see what all of you use for motivation.

Till the next time!